Volunteer Voices - "I was not alone and I belonged.” - Monika

It takes a village to raise a child but what if your village is somewhere else? What if it is overseas, in lockdown or just not available? Who do you turn to for parenting support? For a hug? For a cup of tea?

Parent to two young children Monika Rzeppa faced this dilemma. “I had to find a tribe and join it.” says Monika. She found it in Whakatipu Mums 4 Mums. She now gives back to the group that supported her so much through challenging times volunteering as a Peer Supporter.

Monika and her partner Patrick arrived in Queenstown from Sydney in February 2020 . She was seven months pregnant, with a two year old and knew no one.”They were wonderful but the only adults I was talking to were the lady at the supermarket checkout and my child's preschool teacher,” Monika laughs.

Through emails from Plunket Monika learned about Mums 4 Mums. After lockdown she attended their open door meeting. Over 20 parents gathered, shared stories and bonded. Only one person had family in New Zealand. “It was life changing for me,” says Monica. “I could breathe. I was not alone and I belonged.”

Monika is no stranger to the feeling of not belonging. Born in a small town in Northern Poland where everyone was “Auntie or Uncle” Monika had a strong sense of identity as a child. A move to Sydney when she was 14 was a huge culture shock. She became a young person in a big city wrestling with a new language, multiculturalism and a feeling that she was different.

Leaving school Monika became a make up artist. The industry of big egos and personalities didn’t sit entirely comfortably with her . She smiles when she says “Luckily I lost that job.” It was her next job in a rest home that confirmed her heart really lay in caring for others. It also got her thinking about what makes people tick and why.

“I wanted to know why people act as they do and I guess, partly for myself, I wanted to know why some people feel out of place.” Monika says. After completing a Degree in Social Science Psychology she found her place in the Victims Support sector of the Department of Justice, helping victims of crime.

Monika and her partner had spent many holidays in Queenstown. ” We loved the vibe. It reminded me of Poland, beautiful and not too busy”. After purchasing a section they moved there permanently. “We are simple people,” she says. “We walk with the kids and the dog and love skiing.”

Monika can be found facilitating get togethers for Mums 4 Mums twice a month. They meet and talk about everything related to parenting. Peer Supporters have specialty training in breastfeeding but it is more about helping people discover their identity as a parent, building confidence and promoting general well being.”It’s a place of no judgement,”’Monika says. “We encourage them to ask anything and they don’t have to pretend everything is alright.” Mums 4 Mums is for Dads too and for grandparents and friends.

Monika also runs “Walking Wednesdays” for the group. Starting in different locations around the area, out in the fresh air they chat as they go. Mums, Dads, kids and dogs connecting, exchanging stories and making friends. Monika says “Loneliness is one of the biggest challenges a young parent faces. These groups can be life savers.”

Volunteering has had an enormously positive impact on Monika’s life. It brings her incredible joy to know that someone else is being taken care of and is feeling well. How does she know she is making a difference?” The body language, the smiles, the’ thank yous’. They open their arms and hug me. Their faces change.” says Monika. Such is the impact of being heard and understood.

Monika has one concern. More volunteers are needed. With children herself she can’t always help and she would love to see a bigger pool of supporters to show up for the parents. Monika says “If you have been thinking about volunteering you are three quarters of the way there. You already know you have something to offer. Don’t delay, don’t overthink it. Just come with an open heart.” she smiles “But be warned it is highly addictive.”

Written by Juliette Hicks, 2021

Has this story stirred you? Head to https://www.mums4mums.org.nz/ to find out more and get in touch to join their team